I dont wanna die

trap indie pop ambient folk banjotrap [intro confessional, melodic synths, plucky banjo] ..... everyone tells me that i need to just love myself, but how the fuck do you love someone you don't even know anymore? like, is it just me? am i that broken? am i the only one that feels this way? fuck it... yuh... [chorus 1 emotionally raw, cathartic burst] i don't wanna talk, i don't wanna feel, stuck in the middle of a hell that's real.. i don't wanna die, i don't wanna live, stuck in the middle of a hell life gives.. i don't wanna talk, i don't wanna feel, i don't wanna die... i don't wanna die... [verse 1 mellow, rambling, introspective] these voices in my head, tellin' me i'm better off dead... like, endin' shit now would be for the best... but i dont even know if i have the courage for that, while people say it's a coward's way out, i ain't even mad... these thoughts been killin' me, leavin' me sick to my stomach... and i don't know 'bout you, but i can't run away from it... lost in my head, lost in my mind, i'm holdin' on to somethin' that i don't think i'll ever find... sittin' 'round waiting for the moment it'll feel right, maybe it'll be sometime, maybe it's tonight.. gotta get a grip, or i'll lose my shit, sit back, spark it up, relax, take a hit... but my mind is racin', can't cope, losin' hope, and i feel i'm gettin' too close to hangin' by a rope... i'm findin' better ways to drown out all the pain, but if i'm being honest with you, baby, i am not okay.. this fuckin' voice inside my head is drivin' me insane, and the silence kills me lately, it just hasn't been the same... tellin' myself it'll be just fine, but nothin's okay and nothin's alright... of all the shit i put up with, a life full of sin, i can't seem to find my fuckin' way back there again... [pre-chorus floaty, wistful, momentary clarity] i can’t stop...   but i can’t go on... spiral’s the only place,  where i belong... [chorus 2 emotionally raw, cathartic burst] i don't wanna talk, i don't wanna feel, stuck in the middle of a hell that's real.. i don't wanna die, i don't wanna live, stuck in the middle of a hell life gives.. i don't wanna talk, i don't wanna feel, i don't wanna die... i don't wanna die... [bridge/breakdown tired honesty, lo-fi monologue] these voices in my head tellin' me i ain't worth the breath, and i'm scared as hell for what it's like after death... but after all the shit that's been said, maybe i'll get lucky with one to the head... [final chorus exhausted release, emotionally full] i don't wanna talk, i don't wanna feel, stuck in the middle of a hell that's real.. i don't wanna die, i don't wanna live, stuck in the middle of a hell life gives.. i don't wanna talk, i don't wanna feel, i don't wanna die... i don't wanna die... i don't wanna- [outro gentle resignation, lingering thought]